Sink or Swim
by Black Snowdrop
Summary: When your soul is swallowed in darkness, pain and loss... sometimes a little mischief can light your way. Samantha Harding is a woman in pain. Can Loki, God of Mischief, heal her pain without succumbing to his own? And why is it that Loki did appear on Dublin bridge in the middle of night? What makes him reach out to this mortal woman of whom he knows little? LokixOC Please RnR!


**Right hi there! To all the readers who are reading my Loki and Catherine stuff, don't worry I do plan on being more up to date with that story, I just have ideas for this new one. I hope you enjoy the characters and plots!**

**Sink or Swim**

_Chapter One_

Samantha Harding was out later than usual that night. The cold wind whipped about her thin form easily, making her feel like she was being wrapped in tiny icicles. She clutched the bag of groceries tighter to her chest and continued walking briskly through the night that had fallen. She bowed her head, avoiding eye contact as she made her way home. The clock chimed midnight as she passed the town hall. She could see some of the late night stores closing up and initiating the window service for their late night 24 hour routines. It was all so familiar to her and yet she took no comfort from it.

She walked silently through the streets before crossing the bridge that overlooked the river. Pausing midway, Samantha looked out towards the row of flats facing the slowly lapping waters. Clutching her groceries even more tightly, Samantha picked up the pace, crossing the bridge and making her way towards the flats. Overhead, the first sounds of thunder rumbled and Samantha was eager to get out of the rain before it fell. She could see the clouds, black, as dark as it was already. She knew the rain was coming quickly.

She crossed the road and made her way towards one of the residential doors near the shops. Bringing out her key from her pocket, she opened the front door and stepped inside, just as the first drops of rain fell. Closing the door behind her, she headed up the two floors until she reached her flat. She unlocked the door and stepped inside, shutting the outside world out.

Heading over to the coffee table, she put the groceries down and removed her coat, hanging it up on a coat rack along with her scarf and hat. She then turned and took the groceries into the kitchen, slowly unpacking everything, leaving the bottle of vodka until last. For a moment she just stared at the bottle and did nothing…

OoOoOoOoOoOo

The rain was pouring down harder than normal by the time the vodka bottle was nearly drained. Samantha sat slumped on the couch, staring out at the river morosely. A photo lay on the coffee table before her, having been picked up and replaced many times until the stand gave way. She hadn't bothered to adjust it, just left it where it was, allowing the picture out of sight whilst she gazed out of the window, taking slight comfort from the weeping-like rainfall that went on.

She stayed still a few minutes before picking up the vodka glass and draining the last of the vodka that was in it. Samantha glanced over to the bottle listlessly and reached out for it. Her hand was shaky and it took several attempts before her fingers managed to grasp the bottle. She picked it up and pulled it closer as she unscrewed the top. Smiling a little, bitterly, she drank straight from the bottle, too far gone to really notice the sharpness of the spirit on its own anymore. Within seconds the bottle was empty and she tossed it aside on the couch with a defeated sigh.

She slumped back on the couch and gazed out of the window again.

Once again her thoughts crossed to the river as did her gaze. How nice it must be to not be a sentient being… to just exist and have no troubles at all, to just go where it felt natural? To know no pain, fear or loss, would be a fine thing indeed. Samantha pursed her lips at the thought and brought a hand to her head as if trying to quell the thoughts steeping through inside her. It would be so easy and yet there was something inside her that was hesitant, that said it wasn't a good idea.

Standing up shakily, in an effort to distract herself from her own mind, Samantha picked up the bottle and stumbled over towards the recycling bin. Opening It, she placed the bottle on top of the rather large stack of vodka bottles from the past few weeks. Sighing, Samantha rubbed a hand over her face. She'd been meaning to clear that bin out for weeks but the sight of all those bottles was a reminder, a sharp and painful one, of why she'd been drinking so much in the first place.

Looking around the flat, Samantha sighed and headed for a cupboard. She needed more to drink. The bottle of vodka wasn't enough clearly; she was still thinking and she didn't want to think at all. Thinking was painful, thinking meant memories. Memories meant going down a painful route. She'd rather not. She'd rather drink. Drinking may be weak but it blotted everything out wonderfully. It was ideal. She didn't want to think. If she drank enough, she could forget.

She opened a cupboard and found a bottle of whiskey tucked into a corner. She immediately tensed up as the memories surrounding that whiskey flooded her mind. Fighting back tears, she brought it out and slammed the cupboard door, a tad harder than she should have at 3 in the morning. She opened the bottle of whiskey, tossing the top aside and began to drink it quickly, chugging it down, ignoring the taste as she kept drinking and drinking.

Eventually she had to stop to breathe and she almost choked at the combination of vodka and whiskey. For a moment she felt a violent urge to throw up but she put a fist to her mouth and waited for the feeling to pass. She felt dizzy and nauseous and a haze had come over her again; a haze that she welcomed with both arms. She liked that haze. Nice things were in that haze. Reality could go to hell in that haze and everything would be alright.

After a moment she took another swig and made her way over to the window and stared out over the city of Dublin. She laughed as the lamp posts shone out brightly, dimming the sight of the stars by comparison. Dublin; the glittering city, her grandmother once called it. But then it was glittering compared to their home town. Back home everything was quiet and peaceful. But not here, no, things came here to die.

Samantha swayed uneasily on the spot; the alcohol was already ingrained in her system without the whiskey on top. She began to feel a bit bored just standing around. She wanted to go out. Now that she was on her feet after hours of sitting down, she wanted to get out and do something. It didn't matter what time it was. She wanted to leave this flat of memories.

Grabbing her coat uneasily, Samantha stepped outside and shut the door behind her. She didn't bother locking it but headed straight downstairs. She opened the front door with a giggle at the sudden rush of cold air before shutting the door again, only to open it and get that rush. She didn't this time but she didn't stop to think about it. She stepped out into the street, letting the door shut behind her before heading along the pavement.

She stuffed her hands in her pockets and walked along, swaying and chuckling to herself drunkenly.

She was at the bridge in several minutes and she grinned as she approached the edge.

She stared over into the dark waters with an avid fascination; the sight of the black waves lapping against each other made her smile and stare some more. Resting her elbows on the bridge, Samantha relaxed and let her thoughts wander.

She found herself recalling her earlier wish to be like the river; a non-sentient being, incapable of emotions such as pain or fear, something that was absent in loss and misfortune but simply was… It just existed. That was what she wanted; to not feel anymore. She didn't want to feel the bad stuff anymore. It was too painful.

She wanted to not feel and be like the river; going with the flow and doing what felt natural. Not trapped in all the bad stuff. It was only after some drinks that she felt remotely nice; felt like laughing again. Nothing else in her life was funny or made her laugh like the booze. Alcohol was her friend. She liked alcohol; alcohol was good.

Her head swayed and she laughed at the dizziness, loving the feeling. The buzz inside her head from losing control of her senses was perfect. It was such fun; feeling so light and free, like she could do anything, try anything. It was incredible.

The fun ended when the hallucinations began.

The faces in the river caught Samantha's attention and she stopped giggling; a kind of darkness fell over her face as she stared intently into the water. Her face lost its composure and it crumpled as the feelings came rushing back. She closed her eyes, trying to recapture the haze but the memories were resurfacing now, stronger than ever. Her breathing became hazy as she silently begged those memories to go away but every time she opened her eyes, she saw the faces in the water.

Samantha let out a sob. Would she never be free of this pain? She let out a slight whimper as she looked around her. The streets were so quiet. She bit her lip. "Somebody… help me…" she whispered before looking back at the faces in the water. "Take it away," she whispered. "Take it away…" she began to cry.

Crumbling to the floor and leaning against the bridge, Samantha began to cry. The pain and anguish that had clutched her heart finally broke loose again from the dam that she'd built around it. She sat there, shaking in despair, cursing these feelings. She wanted them gone. She didn't want to feel them anymore. She didn't want to feel _anything _anymore. She didn't want to live with this kind of pain or these memories that would haunt her forever.

She didn't want to exist anymore.

She didn't want to _live_.

The realisation hit her hard and she stopped crying as she tried to process this. She sat there for a few minutes before getting up and looking over the edge of the bridge. She stared into the waters and saw that the faces were gone now. Was it a sign? Were they waiting for her? She looked back at the city for a moment.

Did she really want to lose all this along with her life? Did she want to end it all?

Samantha turned back to the waters which were steadily looking more inviting by the second. The waves lapping seemed very lulling and soothing to Samantha, as though hypnotising her. She stepped closer to the bridge, hands gripping the edge.

Yes, she wanted to be with them. She didn't want this life, her life anymore, she wanted it gone. She wanted to be free of this miserable existence.

Taking a deep breath, Samantha climbed up on the bridge and stood on the edge. She swayed dizzily in the breeze as being higher up made the cool air hit her harder. She smiled a little. This was it. This felt so good. She was doing the right thing, she knew it. She swallowed hard and looked into the water. She was ready. It was time to do this.

Samantha took one foot off the bridge and leant forward, slowly releasing the pressure on her other foot, letting herself topple forward off the bridge, falling through the air into the black waters below.


End file.
